“The Basics of Self-Trust”
“The Basics of Self-Trust”
Self-trust is the key to your progress. Taking the courage to move forward means also taking the courage to trust yourself 100%. Being able to trust yourself means that you can count on yourself in any situation. I compare a lack of self-trust as being similar to not feeling solid ground under your feet. It feels as if you are suspended mid air, just floating around and not able to get to where you want to. Having strategies to regain our self-trust after setbacks and failures is certainly as important as nurturing our self-trust.
I am currently reading ‘Dare to Lead’ by Brené Brown, the American storyteller, research professor, author and public speaker. When it comes to courage and bravery, Brené Brown is one of my top favourite thought leaders and experts.
I love the way in which she brings to the point the basics of self-trust and how to regain it in times of setback and failure in ‘Dare to Lead’ and would like to share her thoughts with you today:
“Unfortunately, self-trust is one of the first casualties when we fail or experience disappointment or setbacks. Whether it’s conscious or not, when we’re wondering how we ended up facedown in the arena, we often reach for the blanket statement “I don’t trust myself anymore.” We assume that we must have made a bad decision and therefore it is a fallacy to count on ourselves to deliver.
Think about a time where you experience a setback or a disappointment - a small thing, not a big glaring failure where there might be extra baggage to unpack. Instead, focus on a time where you hit a bump, and that stumbling block made you call into questions your ability to depend on yourself to follow through on what you know is important. We all have those moments. As you hold that memory in your mind, go back through BRAVING quickly and recontextualizethe elements for self-trust.
Boundaries: Did I respect my own boundaries in the situation? Was I clear with myself and then others about what’s okay and what’s not okay?
Reliability: Could I count on myself?
Accountability: Did I hold myself accountable or did I blame others? And did I hold others accountable when I should have?
Vault: Did I honor the vault, and did I share, or not share, appropriately? Did I stop other people who were sharing inappropriately?
Integrity: Did I choose courage over comfort? Did I practice my values? Did I do what I thought was right, or did I opt for fast and easy?
Nonjudgment: Did I ask for help when I needed it? Was I judgmental about needing help? Did I practice nonjudgment with myself?
Generosity: Was I generous towards myself? Did I have self-compassion? Did I talk to myself with kindness and respect and like someone I love? When I screwed up, did I turn to myself and say: “You gave it the best shot you could. You did what you could do with the data you had at that time. Let’s clean it up, it’s going to be okay”, or did I skip the self-love and go straight into berating myself?
You are in control of your relationship with self-trust, and you can hold yourself accountable where you might be falling short….
As you begin to address those areas that need improvement, remember one of the founding concepts of this part: Trust is built in small moments. If you struggle with reliability, make small and doable promises to yourself that are easy to fulfil, until you get a flywheel of reliability going again.”
Take the courage to move forward in your life and career by always cultivating your self-trust.